Ambiguity sucks. It often leaves people self-conscious. It leaves room for anxiety and doubt. It’s super important to say things.
When I was growing up, I knew my dad would take a bullet for me. Why did I know that? He told me several times. Why did that topic come up? I dont know. My hunch is that it was when we were driving around or sitting around, he was just thinking about it and said it out loud.
We have so much high quality entertainment these days that we say less than ever before. Instead of sitting around in the evenings and making small talk, families are often sitting around on their phones or watching TV. Instead of chatting in the car, we listen to podcasts or music. And so, less “random thoughts” get voiced. But lots of random thoughts are powerful, or could be.
Thoughts as simple as “I’d like to go eat at that restaurant with my wife some time” when said out loud become an outward sign of affection. If you’re thinking about a friend, texting them and saying “I was just thinking about you”, can make someone feel more connected and loved.
And for parents or caregivers, this is maybe even more important. Kids learn through observing more than through instruction. And you know what they can’t observe? Healthy internal monologue. You can model it by saying things like: “I’m not sure how to do this but I know I can figure it out” or “im a little scared to reach under the oven because there might be a spider, but I can push through it” or “I will always protect you”.
Go ask anyone how important it was that their parents told them (or didn’t tell them) how proud they were of them. Ask any woman how important it is to be told they’re beautiful. And as a guy, I remember a compliment about my appearance for years when I get them.
So tell your friends you’re thinking about them. Tell your wife she’s beautiful. Tell your kids that you’re always proud of them no matter what. Tell your parents you appreciate all they did to raise you.
Say the things. Out lout. It’s important.
Joseph
